look at my eyes.. its already 3:07 and I'm still out of sanity. I can't sleep, I feel the hurt of being wound to him.. i know, until now he can't forgive me. And I already accept that fact. But i still believe that "forgiveness still exist".

Awhile ago, I talk to him (Glenn). We talk about our relationship. Actually its been 2months since we broke up.

Its my fault, I admit. I flirt with other guy ning di ko manlang sya inisip..
I don't know why i cheated on him. I don't even understand myself. Maybe because i don't love him or i did not love him since then? Or maybe, because i feel sometimes that "HE DON'T REALLY LOVE ME!". Actually, I don't even feel that before.. but since our relationship changed because of that stupid curiosity. Our love started to change. hindi na sya katulad ng dati.. at mahirap narin ibalik..

After our break up. I cried for a weeks, and he cried so many times. He did everything to make me stay but I can't grant it. Is not that i don't love him anymore, it's just that "i cant find myself loving him like I did before". Maybe, tomorrow.. We never know.. "kame rin pala bandang huli, hindi lang sa ngayon" diba?. I don't know! ewan ko ba! siguro sa ngayon hindi ko pa ulit makita sarili ko sakanya.

He hates me! I broke his heart! I made him cried. I made a promise but i broke it! I dont even have one word! I made his heart miserable.. But after all the bad things that i done to him, He still standing on me. still loving me. siguro nga tanga na maituturing ang kagaya niya. Pero ganun naman talaga.. diba? LOVE IS STUPID!!

okey, back to realiy. We fight! We're shouting at each other (or it just me, who shouted?) i cant remember.. ahe. basta we fight! bec. we cant understand each other..


I ask.. "bakit ka ba ganiyan?"


He said.. "eh ganiyan ka eh.. kasalanan mo kung bakit ganito ko!"


It's my fault again? waaahh.... again and again. He can't understand that I don't wanna hear this one "baka hindi na tayu magkita niyan.." yan! I hate that words!! He so dramatic.. duhh! if he don't wanna see me anymore.. fine!! eh kaso eto pa nakakainis.. edi sigawan na nga kame sa fone.. bigla ba naman takutin ako na kesyo isusumbong niya daw ako kay tita kase nakausap ko daw si Dex. Amfufu!! i hate him! "bahala ka!" i said. Pinaiyak niya ko dahil dun.. inahamon ko daw sya.. duhh!! kung alam lang niya takot na takot ako sakaniya.. gggrrrr....

Then, nalaman ko.. he just kidding me.. lahat ng dinadadak niya lahat yun ginawa niya lang para pag tripan ako.. sa sobrang inis ko.. "inuntog ko ulo ko sa pader!" take note! its 14 times.. If I'm not mistaken. Imagine? Sira na ata ulo ko weh!! bat nagawa ko yun? amfufu.. ahha
kaya nga hindi ako makatulog ngayun.. masaket ang aking head. i have FLUE pa.. amfufu talaga..

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

5 songs!

1. like only a woman can - bryan mcfadden

lyrics:

I wasn’t perfect
I’ve done a lot of stupid things
Still no angel
I wasn’t looking for forgiveness
Wasn’t laid out by my pride
Shocked by her attention
And someone signed me up for love
I didn’t want it
And now I can’t live without it

She changed my life
She cleaned me up
She found my heart
Like only a woman can
She pulls me up
When she knows I’m sad
She knows her man
Like only a woman can

She’s kind of perfect
She’s kind of everything I’m not
Yeah, she’s an angel
And it’s amazing how she’s patient
Even more at times I’m not
She’s my conscience
And who decided I’d be hers
I wanna hate them
Cos now I can’t live without her

She changed my life
She cleaned me up
She found my heart
Like only a woman can
She pulls me up
When she knows I’m sad
She knows her man
Like only a woman can

Like only a woman can
And who decided I’d be hers
I wanna hate them
Cos now I can’t live without her

Oh, and she changed my life
She cleaned me up
She found my heart
Like only a woman can
She pulls me up
When she knows I’m sad
She knows her man
Like only a woman can

Like only a woman can
Like only a woman can
Like only a woman
Like only a woman can



-- i heard this song at myx nung araw na nahuli ako ni tita
lhou sa house nila Dexter.. actually nakita niya kong
nakasakay sa jeep nun, then sinundan daw niya ko.
(May 15, 2009) last day na nakasama namin ang isa't isa.

Nag biro pamo ko sakanya nun..

"hanapin mu muna yung nail cutter ko kundi last day ko nang pag punta toh! cge ka.."

"amfufu moh!" he said na pabiro.


-- i never thought that it would be the last. Words are so powerful nga!
amfufu.. nagbibiro lang naman ako nung time na yun eh. ngayun, nagkatutuo na nga.. :(

-- You know what? i missing him every time i heard this song.
Pati nga yung lyrics tugma samen. He always said that "i am the only one who changed his life, who changed him, who cleaned him up and who found his heart", and i know its true, actually he found me too.
[imisshimsomuch!]




2. tulog na - sugarfree

lyrics:

Tulog na mahal ko
Hayaan na muna natin ang mundong ito
Lika na, tulog na tayo.
Tulog na mahal ko
Wag kang lumuha, malambot ang iyong kama
Saka na mamroblema

Tulog na hayaan na muna natin sila
Mamaya, hindi ka na nila kaya pang saktan
Kung matulog, matulog ka na…

Tulog na mahal ko
Nandito lang akong bahala sa iyo
Sige na, tulog na muna
Tulog na mahal ko
At baka bukas ngingiti ka sa wakas
At sabay natin haharapin ang mundo

Tulog na hayaan na muna natin sila
Mamaya, hindi ka na nila kaya pang saktan
Kung matulog, matulog ka na…



-- Since everyone's against about him and it seems no ones like him. I quietly feel like I'm "giving up!". He knows my weaknesses and he don't want me to give up. Hanggat maaare, gusto niya lagi akong matatag para sa relasyon namen.

Then one time, He sing that song for me.

"kaya ikaw itulog mu nalang yan.. malay mu bukas legal na tayu.." a kind of joke but real.. haha



3. back in time - kyla and jr

lyrics:

Jay R:
How have you been
The last time I saw you
We graduated high school
I think it’s been about 2 years since then

Kyla:
I’ve been okay
Nothing much has changed
Still doing the same old thing

Jay R:
May I take a little bit of your time

Kyla:
No, I don’t think that would be possible

Jay R:
Why do you have a boyfriend

Kyla:
No, I broke it off 2 months ago

Jay R:
Well, if you don’t mind
I’d like to get your number
And maybe reminisce together
Is that alright?

Kyla:
I don’t mind
Would love to get together
In fact tonight I’d rather
Go back in time

Chorus:
Go back into time now rewind
Back in the day
When nothing really mattered
Just let go let me take control
Just follow the signs
Let’s go back in time
Let’s go back in time
Let’s go back in time

Jay R:
Now here we are
Tell me everything about you
Where you do the things that you do
The things you like whatever is on your mind

Kyla:
I just bought a house
Been a half way round the world
Still not your ordinary girl

Jay R:
I’ve always have had a little crush on you

Kyla:
I can’t believe you felt that way too

Jay R:
And after all this time I still think I do

Kyla:
Boy for now just take me where I want to go

Repeat Chorus 2x

-- My favorite cousin (Patrick) really like this song. That's why i like it too na ren, para same kame. haha

4. you can - david archuleta

-- He dedicate this song for me, when our relationship just started to bloom..
here's the lyrics:

Mmmmm
Take me where I've never been
Help me on my feet again
Show me that good things come to those who wait
Tell me I'm not on my own
Tell me I won't be alone
Tell me what I'm feeling isn't some mistake
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Save me from myself, you can
And it's you and no one else
If I could wish upon tomorrow tonight would never end
If you asked me I would follow
But for now I'll just pretend
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Baby, when you look at me
Tell me what do you see
Are these the eyes of someone you could love?
'Cause everything that brought me here
Well, now it all seems so clear
Baby, you're the one that I've been dreaming of
If anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Save me from myself, you can
And it's you and no one else
If I could wish upon tomorrow tonight would never end
If you asked me I would follow
But for now I'll just pretend
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love

Only you can take me sailing in your deepest eyes
Bring me to my knees and make me cry
And no one's ever done this
Everything was just a lie and I know, yes, I know

This is where it all begins
So tell me it will never end
I can't fool myself, it's you and no one else

If I could wish upon tomorrow tonight would never end
If you asked me I would follow
But for now I'll just pretend
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Show me that good things come to those who wait



-- thats it! :)



5. 1234 - plain white t's

lyrics:

1-2-1-2-3-4
Give me more loving than I’ve ever had
Make me feel better when I’m feeling sad
Tell me I’m special even though I know I’m not
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
Barely getting mad
I’m so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy
Its as easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words
That’s what I’ll do
(I love you) I love you
Give me more loving from the very start
Piece me back together when I fall apart
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
You’re the best that I’ve had
And I’m so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy
It’s easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words
That’s what I’ll do
(I love you) I love you
(I love you) I love you
You make it easy
It’s easy as 1 2 1 2 3 4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words
That’s what I’ll do
(I love you) I love you
(I love you) I love you
1-2-3-4
I love you
(I love you) I love you



-- i dedicate this song for him. bago pa nya maisipan idedicate yung "YOU CAN" saken. haha. It only mean one thing "he's gaya gaya!" haha.. joke. :]

title: A STORY
by: edxaii^^

i heard a story about this man
who love that girl with all his heart
he love that girl with all desire
he love that girl in all the time

he used to write a letter for her
to make her know that he care
he used to write a poem for her
to show his love forever

they always in the library
he sang a song silently
telling that he love her passionately
showing he can wait patiently

but the girl has a man
she love that man all the time
she love that man with all desire
and she love that guy with all her heart

the man sang a song for her
she listen but she’s not fair
she love being with him
but she love her man more than him

time passed by
the two of them still at the library
waiting for the time of their class hour
but the man waiting for the heart of her love one

at the middle of the story
the man continue writing a letter
writing a story came from his mind
writing a poem from his hand to her heart

but at the end of the story
the girl continue the reality..
the man has a right but his right is a crime
the man always write but at the end just HE CRIED..

_Someone tell me a story about the girl he truly love. And this is the story all about. i made this poem for him to realize that the best thing to do is to "move on" and let himself find the one who will love him like he did.

title: dont worry
by: edxaii^^

dont worry i wont blame you
you dont have to worry, its not your fault
you dont need to worry, i’m HAPPY
you dont really need to think of it, i’m OKEY.. [kokey!] haha

today, getting to sensual is normal
you and i felt the same way, right?
in the middle of LOVE theres a LUST
but dont worry, its not the last..

from the moment we feel the fire
inside of it is the real desire
and we cant really hide
our love today is so wild..

so many times we feel it dear
but too many times we keep it clear
for the sake of our secure
and for the love that will endure

_this is my unfinish poem that i made for Glenn. And i dont have a plan to finish it. ahe. i'm tinatamad na eh..

you say I LOVE YOU
then i say I LOVE YOU TOO
if i say i love you, I’ll do
even there's someone who really love me too

i never thought that I'll fall for you
and i cant fight myself too
it is LOVE? or LUST?
whatever it is, hope it will last

Awhile ago, i try to write the "99 things i hated and 1 thing that i wanted most about my life". You know whats the result? yeah right! I did not finish it. Now i decided to write the "20things i want to do today" list.

1. I want to complete my laundry.

2. I want to clean all the area of our house.

3. I want to map the floor.

4. After, cleaning the house i wanna take a rest.

5. I want to complete my sleep. 5 hours.

6. I want to sit here in front of computer for 9 hours and post everything that i can.

7. While posting, i wanna drink "cobra" (energy drink).

8. while eating "choco mucho".

9. I want to post all my secrets in PostSecret.

10. I want to create a video for PostSecret.

11. I want to customize all my friendster accounts.

12. I want to perfect the GEO CHALLENGE in my facebook.

13. I wanna take a bath 3 times today.

14. I wanna do some postcards for PostSecrets.

15. I wanna see him, be with him, sleep with him, and eat with him today. :]

16. I wanna text him and tell him that i'm OL but I'm too busy doing this thing.

17. I wanna call him but I'm waiting for his call.

18. Unli call tonight?

19. drink 9 glass of water like i did before.

20. I wanna post this post right now!

DONE.. :]

this POEM is
originaly composed by me:
EDLYN O. RETUCSAN
dedicated to:
JOHN GLENN R. LiSiNG

title:

I LOVE THE WAY WE ARE ..

i LOVE the way you LOOK at me
your eyes says the way you feel
i LOVE the way you me
your LiPS acts that YOU are NEAR ..

i LOVE the way you make me LAUGH
and i PRECiOUS it a lot
i the ways you show me you CARE
the way your ALWAYS there ..

i LOVE the way you TOUCH me
when you HOLD my HANDS
i LOVE the way you NEED me
from the moment you TAKE my ARMS..

i LOVE the way you HUG me
the way i HEAR your HEART beat
i LOVE the way i hug you
the way our HEARTS connected to ..

i LOVE the way you LOVE me
the way you say
i LOVE the way YOU are with ME
then i am with YOU ..

i LOVE the way ” you HAVE me ”
from the moment you TAKE my MiND
and i LOVE the way ” i HAVE you ”
coz i’m glad FOREVER you are MiNE ..

P.S i yOu ..

— haha. ginawa ko
yan nung 7 or 8 mantsx na kme.
ata.. hehe